"My Soul Wanders"

I have a wandering soul,It grows restless with each passing day,I can't help but think of this life as a hole.I'm stuck in,and long to get away. My days are bleak and pointless,Its become easy to fall into a dark mood,Most things are now boring and joyless,Always getting yelled at for my solemn attitude.I feel as if my soul was swallowed by a black cloud.My heart hidden behind a wall of cold indifference,Always scared to voice my emotions out loud.And like so many before me tried,can I truly blame my parents?I feel like 'God' has forgotten me,Our relationship all but shattered,I used to pray and plea,But now my emotions are to scattered.For now my soul can't stop wandering,Searching for 'God's" lost light,And in my heart I feel a shuddering,As I lay trying to sleep at night.not very long or very good.but I do think its better than my others ones.let me know what you think, you know I live for your comments. The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact........It's hard to believe that my life's been turned upside down and backwords like this. It's hard to believe we could end up like this,It's hard to believe that we're here at this crossroad. It's hard to believe it's just me,waiting for some change.

"The Brighter Side"

When your standing in the dark,scared and alone,take a look around the corner and what do you see?If you look hard enough you can find happiness,No one needs to take you there,but yourself,Take a risk and go.What the worse that can happen?You end up back on the darker side?Why not take a break and get away from it?It may be nice if some one were to take you there,but then again you can always meet some one while you're there.Your life is only a second in the time of the world.It's gone like that.You need to take the best of it. Imagine sitting in a dark corner with no hope left,some one reaches their hand out to you.Do you take it?Lets say you do.So,out of curiousity you take the hand.With a gentle pull the hand pulls you up to your feet and starts walking slowly,so you follow.After just a few steps,it starts to get lighter,then you look around as it keeps getting lighter and lighter till you can make out objects.that are around,then you look at the hand your're holding,and you look at the face and you realize it was only just you the whole time.Is it possible?I believe so.In order for some one else to help you, you have to help your self first.Now,if you wouldn't have taken that hand,you would be left with the "what if " question. What if I took the hand,would be in a better place?What if the hand was just a stranger?What if the hand was going to be "the one"?Would you really want that? There are two choises in life,you can be happy or sad.Yes,you could be a mix of both,but you choose weather to stay sad or not.You choose weather things are going to bring you down.We control our own lives.Is it worth it to spen your whole life in the dark?If you think so,I hope your happy in the end.But, honestly,it doesn't seem worth it though,We were given one life,one chance. Of course not every thing is going to be perfect,nothing is perfect,but we can makes it ours.Not theirs,They already have their own life. Little things have brought me down in life,and I let it get the best of me.I didn't think I was good enough to be happy since bad seemed to be re-acurring over and over.So,I created my own kind of happiness,a kind of pretend happiness.I'm ashamed of happiness I have made I wish never did it,but the scars will be there forever. Only one person has seen them with out me telling them,and I felt dumb,stupid,for ever doing it. He told me everything was okay,and he felt bad for me.I don't want that,I want people to think I'm strong. Last night,I almost did it again,but I stopped myself.I'm glad I did, I felt horrible last night,I almost gave up.Once I got to work today,I realized,one person can't bring me down.He's not the controller of my life, I am.

"Hope......."

Can you tell me what I am missing? Can you tell me what I want from life? Can you tell me where I want to go? Can you tell me about this vacuum? I am on the way to touch the horizon but suddenly I am feeling I am lost,But where I am lost, I am searching for that also? Today my mind is full of questions....but I have "HPOE", a ray that I will get the answers of all these. Hope is saying to me.....,I hope that I will always be for each person.what he or she needs me to be. I hope that each person's death will diminish me,but that fear of my own will never diminish my joy of life. I hope that my love for those whom I like will never lessen my love for those whom I do not. I hope that another person's love for me will never be a measure of my love for him or her. I hope that everybody will accept me as I am,but that I never will. I hope that I will always ask for forgiveness from others,but will never need to be asked for my own.......I hope that I will always recognize my limitations,but that I will construct none. I hope that loving will always be my goal,but that love will never be my idol. I hope that everyone will always have hope.....

samsam~~"How are you today"

my baby

"It's All Clear Now"

Some people like others based on beauty,while others may prefer personality. Until now,I thought those were the only reasons for socially mingling with others people.Now I can see that those are simply the only reasons for liking another person.Liking someone and hanging out with them are two completely different things.Someone can socialize with another person he/she likes. And although one can like someone for personality,It's not even close to a guarantee.Almost as if unrivaled,beauty will always tower above personality.Yet no one has to like someone that they hang around-but they must have a reason.It's quite simple.Everything happens for a reason and everyone has a reason for actions they do,right? Here are the possible reasons that someone would socialize with another person without actually liking them:1)Money, 2)Particular Good(s), 3)Particular Service(s), So, what exactly is it that I have to ofter?What makes people want to hang around me? 1)Money, 2)Certain 'goods', 3)Transportation. It seems that if I didn't have a car and didn't have a job,then I'd be useless,No one would even bother knowing who I am. It appears as if no one can truly like me.As it should be,because I am not a good person.I simply do good things in hopes of countering all the bad things I've done or know that I'll do. Though this has to be equivalent exchange.I'm sure that I've done something horrible,something that is so vile that it cannot be forgiven. My punishment for this unseen infraction?A lifetime of pure,unadulterated loneliness spent realizing all truths,no matter how distressing.I must have done something to deserve this. And so,it is for this reason that I must accept my punishment with open,wide-spread arms. Love......It's an incredible feeling, a feeling that I know well;and while I love without condition,it may never be redeemed.As I'm serving my sentence on this earth,many people will surely claim to love in return.Though when it comes down to it.my life is damned to be devoid of empathy,care,and amity. What was once masked by a vague. understanding of the world is now as brilliant as crystal,I can see.It's all clear now..... But I never want to forget you nor that voice which gives me strength,that smile which makes me smile,or that compassion which brings me hope.

"Memory & Memories"