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Fast-forward to now, nearly 14 years later. Now, 'till this day, it's apparent that their friendship is still strong, even via long-distance. The ex-friend who became a good friend again just got married recently, a fact which I found out through my own best friend's "Facebook". There she was, at her friend's wedding, in several of the pictures. Their friendship rekindled enough where they still got to share life's blessings together and I was just.....gone. I'm not totally innocent, of course; I have just as much power to remain friends with people. But at the time, I was more a lone recluse, embracing what little friendships I had because they were so willing to embrace me first. I took it personally when people left me behind, including these two. I wasn't always a fighter, if at all, and I guess I just always put my friendship out there when people needed it. But I wasn't (and still am not) much of a shover. To this day I'd rather go where I feel welcomed. And after they had gotten so obsessed with being friends again, it's like my point in the whole thing was over, and I had no other purpose. When I thought they'd bring me along for the ride of their long lost friendship, I was really just being left in the back seat. Well anyway, that's the point of this ramble. In a way, I feel like I rescuscitated a then dead friendship to the point of THIS, them still quite dose, and I'm still here.....all alone. What if I had not bothered to be their middle man? What if I didn't even mention at all of my still-existent friendship with the one? Would my best friend have even bothered to give her past friendship another shot if it wasn't for me helping breask the ice? I could never know these answers. But it doesn't change the fact that what happened still happened, and I played a pretty crucial role in the rekindling of their friendship. I just wish I wasn't so absent, wasn't so cut-off. I wish they would have embraced me all the more closer for having so much hope for the two of them to be friends again. But that didn't happen. Their friendship with each other seemed to have always been stronger than their friendship was with me, and that fact did hurt me enough to cower away from even fighting for it. I just wish I could have been different, Then maybe, I too could have been in that picture with the girls who were quite the good friends in highschool, through which may have very well been the efforts I made in making sure it happened. But perhaps my purpose in that moment was merely to rekindle a friendship between two people who may have forever lost touch. Perhaps my little bit of action in that moment was exactly what was needed for the future, this present, to be as it is today. Perhaps them being friends with each other was more important than them being friends with me. Perhaps more is meant to happen in their lives that never would have happened otherwise. In that sense, I've served my purpose, and I must live with it. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt , though.
What's saddening in this instance is, back in highschool, this best friend of mine had this fued going on with a girl who was her good friend in the past. I don't recall the reason for the fued; all I know is they stopped talking for a considerable amount of time. Enough time to say "we used to be friends, but not anyone". One day in keyboarding class, I made it known my best friend that I was still friends with her ex-friend. (Heh this all seems so juvenile and silly now, but I swear it should make Some type of sense.) After she found out that I still communicate and socialize with her ex-friend, she decided she wanted to slowly break the cold ice that had formed between her and her ex-friend, and she desired to SOMEWHAT be friendly towards her again, little by little. Well anyway, she decided to correspond with her ex-friend via note-writing. But since she was too nervous to deliver the notes directly, I became the middle man. She passed the note to me to pass along to her ex-friend, and in return, he ex-friend passed a response note back to me. This continued for quite some time actually, since they didn't have any classes Or lunch together, so their only means of communicating to break the ice was through notes which were continually given and passed through me. I did this willingly, because I wanted them to be friends again, since they were both pretty cool people, and I was (as I still am) a peacemaker. I wanted everyone to get along, and I embraced the opportunity to help them do just that. At any rate, all of that note-passing led to them getting comfortable enough to start talking again, which then lead to them becoming friends once more. In fact, their friendship blossomed even STRONGER that it was before. This made me glad, for the most part. That is, until in their blooming friendship they didn't really pay much mind to ME anymore. Oh I wasn't all out ignored, of course, but there was a noticeable decrease in the amount of acknowledgment I got. Perhaps it was them making up for lost time, Or perhaps it was my shy nature. Either way, the friendship I shared with both of them suffered while their just kept growing and growing to even greater levels than what they had with me. Their trust was placed in me, but thereafter, it was as if their friendship all along was the most valuable to have. And maybe that was really the point all along. Maybe I was never meant to be in either of their lives.
................to be continued
It's kind of amazing what little bit of action you do can affect the "FUTURE". I mean, I obviously wouldn't have known the future anyway at that point in time, but since the present is still the future from the past, then it's easy to say if something I did caused this present to be what it is today. Did I lose you? It's alright if I did. I think I may have even confused myself there. You see back in highschool, I wasn't what you would call "popular". I had a handful of friends, some of them good friends, some of them acquaintances, and others just..... people I socialized with on a semi-daily basis, but nothing like a friend ought to be. I had this one particular friend who I considered my best friend, though, and upon finding each other again freshman year, our friendship remained solid for most, if not all, through highschool. She called us "homeys". That made me feel special. So it was cool to be her homey. I loved that. i found her on 'Facebook' earlier this year, and as expected, got a peek at how her life has turned out, Or whatever she chooses to share. It's always sad to do that, for me anyway. I see just where people went in life, how far they've gone, and while I can be happy for them, I feel sad for me. I've gone nowhere in life, and have obtained no one special along the way either. There's no new bundle of friends, no family to love and care for, no career to have that will get me places. After highschool, things dissipated in the friendship zone. Everyone went their separate ways, peoeple who meant nothing to me, and people who I thought would be my friends forever. All I know is, I never said goodbye to anyone who I thought were my friends, and it was because they all walked away from me to seek out the OTHER friends whose last name didn't begin with an "R" like mine and their own. But, I'm swaying off topic.... ......................to be continued
The disillusionment of this stage can be very painful. It can be experienced as scary Or as a betrayal Or as a fall from grace. Often anger, bitterness, and resentment rule during this time. Couples can get stuck in this place Or the relationship may not survive it at all. However, if you think of this stage as the adolescence for the relationship it can put the painful dynamics into perspective. Adolescence is a time to become a separate and independent individual. For a relationship to be strong, healthy, and functional it needs to be supportive of two separate, individuated people. When we give up significant parts of ourselves to the relationship, generally we suffer and as a result the relationship suffers, Thus, although becoming unmerged can feel excruciating at times, it is an important step in the evolution of the relationship. Adulthood The Fulfilling Stage The third stage Or adulthood in a relationship provides a structure that supports and nourishes two differentiated people. This requires that we be committed to our own as well as our partners wholeness as individuals and that we be committed equally to the relationship. This stage can feel challenging around finding balance among the three entities two individuals and the relationship. It also requires a maturity around being able to own and manage our own emotional insecurities and reactivity. However, this phase is the most rewarding and is the time when we can be authentically connected while living with integrity to our true selves, For more tools and articles on healthy relationships and managing emotional struggles. ...............Have a good day, and enjoy agrtime if you have the chance. "Look Luck!!!!"
By Heather Leavesley Romantic relationships, much like people, have a developmental lifecycle. We aren't often aware of where our relationships are in terms of their developmental stages, but being aware can be extremely helpful in interpreting the shifts in dynamics that occur over time between us and our partner. In a sense its true that relationships have a life of their own. Each developmental stage in the relationship has its own set of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and developmental tasks. These relationship stages are analogous to childhood, adolescence, and adulthood in peoples developmental lifecycle. Youth The Honeymoon Stage The earliest, youngest stage of a relationship is an intensely romantic, passionate time. In this stage we feel so deeply connected that we become emotionally merged. During this stage, often called the honeymoon phase, we see our partners as being perfect and as completing us and saving us from experiencing old emotional wounds Or pain. Likewise they believe that were perfect and complete them. What could feel better than being with someone who thinks were perfect in every way, especially if we haven't received that kind of unconditional adoration at any other time in our lives!? "John Gottman", researcher and therapist who has studied couples for over 20 years, has found that couples who stay in touch with how they felt about each other during this honeymoon phase weather the inevitable relational storms better than couples who lose touch with their experience of this time. I think of the developmental task of young, romantic love as cementing the relationship and establishing a foundation that will support the relationship across the years, Adolescence The Disillusionment Stage The second stage of relationships begins when we start to recognize that our partners are imperfect human beings and that they don't complete us Or protect us from being emotionally hurt. In fact, they more often seem to target the very areas of emotional pain we expected them to save us from. At the same time they start to recognize that were not perfect and seem to be irritated Or angry with us about that.
When I look at relationships now, I try to compare those at a younger age. with those at an older age. Though I don't extensively know about adult relationships, I try to empathize with other's situations-namely my parents. In a younger relationship, we really don't take into the account of the responsibilities of adulthood. The simple things in like that get in the way of having "fun" (dating, eating out, sex, etc), aren't really calculated into our equation. Attraction is Key, and the rest usually falls into place. For youth, the game of chance is strongly into play when romantic relationships are concerned. Therefore, being a wonderful guy Or an awesome girl, in my opinion plays only a subtle role in this game of dice. Being there at the right time and place plays a large part. When you're older, dating seems more complicated. For when you get older, other priorities arise, and relationships sometimes get into the way. The role of possession is counterproductive to your everyday movements. Your solidarity has set in, and inviting a person into your pattern of everyday life will likely disrupt it. However, within every person there is always a lingering to be needed Or loved-even TO LOVE. Well, OK, a lot of stuff above was bullshit. I really don't know what to say. I was trying to write something more universal and cohesive, but I failed. So here's the honest gist of my emotions at the moment. I took the time to look at memories of the past, namely, notes that Tammy wrote to me and pictures of all of us together. I took all of that and sorted through all the emotions in my brain. I tried to compare my mindset now and my mindset before. Also, I tried to empathize with the girl that wrote the darling letters to me. The facts I know are that we were both in love. The facts that precede are jumbled and littered with me and becoming immature (Or continuing to do so), and other shit like that.
First off, I want to say that this entry may Or may not make sense, depending on who you are if my grammar even makes sense, Secondly, I want to state that this isn't one of my old entries where I wanted so and so to read it Or anything like that. This is for me and for whoever wants to read my idiotic entries. Not geared toward anyone, but just a reflection of some thoughts. Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the nitty gritty. Yet again I've been thinking about relationships a lot. Not only in regards to my own personal relationships (mainly focusing on those of the romantic genre), but also relationships in general. Though I don't know too many people who have had relationships, those who I do know I've talked to them in depth about it. It's not usually to pry Or anything, but it cathartic for them and usually helped for me-being that I have had a lots in a relationship as well. I want to state foremost that I'm not a relationship professional Or anything; not to any extent. I'm 30 year old and I have had four real relationships-if you can call it that (though I seriously do). However, I do have very personal opinions about relationships. In a vague sense, relationships are just two people who are exclusively for each other. They give up some of their freedom (though some may argue this), for a slice of security. In a way, relationships are almost like a bartering system, being that it's almost like property being exchanged. Though it might be a bit pessimistic to state that relationships mean that you "own" another person, realistically it seems quite like it. There's always a romantic in all of us, myself included, that hopes that when the right one comes along possession is not the correct term to deem the situation as. Perhaps trust would be a better word. It's complicated in a romantic relationship compared to one that is more neutral, being that there is a higher degree of "trust" involved. Nonetheless, this trust is problem that many people have with relationships. ........................... to be continued 
By Anne Amore. The Key to saving relationships and creating relationships worth saving is, always has been, and always will be, Love. But that's a broad term and frequently misunderstood. So let's look at just 3 pragmatic applications of Love that you can use for saving relationships today and go on to create blissful relationships from here on out.... 1) Love is a vision You've seen enough romantic movies and read enough slushy romance stories to have formed a definite impression of what a romantic love relationship means to you. The heart and soul of it is about sharing your life experiences with someone that you respect, Love, and enjoy being with. Remember this as you think about and renew your vision of what you want your relationship to be like. Be sure to add a good dash of reasonableness and tolerance into the mix. No-one can live up to your romantic ideal 100% of the time, try as they might. Talk with your partner about what their ideal vision of your love partnership is. Discuss where you can compromise a little and still meet each others expectations. This is a good first step in saving relationships and creating a way forward to much better times. 2) Love is a verb The one thing you rarely see in a romantic movie is the on-going, Year after year efforts that need to be made to keep the chemistry alive and bubbling in a Healthy relationship. Love, doesn't just happen. You have to nurture it and feed it. Be sure to adopt and attitude of being totally responsible for keeping love and romance growing between you. Frequently express gratitude and appreciation to your partner for what they do and what they mean to you. Tell them what you are prepared to do to go about making your relationship fantastic. Ask them to work with you. Be prepared to carry the load at first. Eventually they will come round. Saving relationships involves a lot of creative effort. Love is willing to sweat for what it loves. 3) Love is a lifestyle I'm really big on adopting love as a lifestyle. By that I simply mean that your life will become much more joyful and pleasurable if you let Love be your guiding principle. Becoming a loving person is a conscious choice. You've had personal experience of meeting all Kills of people, but the ones who stand out as the nicest are those that treat you with warmth, consideration and love. Why not become like that? The world tends to mirror back to you whatever you project into it. Feel the love deep in your heart centre and turn up the dial so that you become like a blazing beacon of light, radiating out this warm love. From such a condition, deep in touch with the infinite love within you and tapped into the intuition that accompanies it, you will be perfectly equipped for saving relationships. And you will forge wonderful love-based relationships and friendships with those around you. There you have it. Saving relationships and creating relationships worth saving comes from having a clear vision of romantic love, working hard to create that loving relationship day to day, and letting love be your watchword for daily life. Want a "fairy tale" relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out!
Fast-forward to now, nearly 14 years later. Now, 'till this day, it's apparent that their friendship is still strong, even via long-distance. The ex-friend who became a good friend again just got married recently, a fact which I found out through my own best friend's "Facebook". There she was, at her friend's wedding, in several of the pictures. Their friendship rekindled enough where they still got to share life's blessings together and I was just.....gone. I'm not totally innocent, of course; I have just as much power to remain friends with people. But at the time, I was more a lone recluse, embracing what little friendships I had because they were so willing to embrace me first. I took it personally when people left me behind, including these two. I wasn't always a fighter, if at all, and I guess I just always put my friendship out there when people needed it. But I wasn't (and still am not) much of a shover. To this day I'd rather go where I feel welcomed. And after they had gotten so obsessed with being friends again, it's like my point in the whole thing was over, and I had no other purpose. When I thought they'd bring me along for the ride of their long lost friendship, I was really just being left in the back seat. Well anyway, that's the point of this ramble. In a way, I feel like I rescuscitated a then dead friendship to the point of THIS, them still quite dose, and I'm still here.....all alone. What if I had not bothered to be their middle man? What if I didn't even mention at all of my still-existent friendship with the one? Would my best friend have even bothered to give her past friendship another shot if it wasn't for me helping breask the ice? I could never know these answers. But it doesn't change the fact that what happened still happened, and I played a pretty crucial role in the rekindling of their friendship. I just wish I wasn't so absent, wasn't so cut-off. I wish they would have embraced me all the more closer for having so much hope for the two of them to be friends again. But that didn't happen. Their friendship with each other seemed to have always been stronger than their friendship was with me, and that fact did hurt me enough to cower away from even fighting for it. I just wish I could have been different, Then maybe, I too could have been in that picture with the girls who were quite the good friends in highschool, through which may have very well been the efforts I made in making sure it happened. But perhaps my purpose in that moment was merely to rekindle a friendship between two people who may have forever lost touch. Perhaps my little bit of action in that moment was exactly what was needed for the future, this present, to be as it is today. Perhaps them being friends with each other was more important than them being friends with me. Perhaps more is meant to happen in their lives that never would have happened otherwise. In that sense, I've served my purpose, and I must live with it. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt , though.
