"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away".~~(Part 1)

Just the right focus? Recently (I guess as in "last night"), I was drawn deeply into this 'Facebook' note about being satisfied with God first and above all before desperately seeking for love in this world. Though, I was head over heels in agreeing to this note, it made me wonder the past relationships, I had in my life, especially of him. My first boyfriend, who I don't really count as one since we only went out for less than a month and I didn't really return his feelings, was in F.5 grade. F.5 grade was the year I turned my life 180 from my F.4 grade year of fluctuating emotions and the need to fit in. I recall F.5 grade being one of my best years at school because that was when I first realized to put God first and give to Him wholeheartedly despite of the naivety I had being so young. Why did God grant me a relationship in the middle of that year? Even though the relationship did not last? Was it meant to be? In a way, yes, What I learned from it is that I'm not so unlovable after all, since my numerous previous crush pursuits had be absolute rejections. And not to jump head first to the first guy who comes along and like you. So, I raised my standards a bit. My second boyfriend was someone who I connected with on a deep emotional level. He was a great guy; I was a not-so considerate girl. Though, I didn't realize it at the time since I was quite unsatisfied and wanted more. And due to my selfishness, I ruined a potentially great friendship, but again, I was too foolish to realize it at the time. This relationship lasted part of freshmen year and part of sophomore year. The first was meant, the second was a mess. As for my spiritual walk during those times, I don't quite remember but since I just came from a great year in F.5 grade, I probably tried to regain the same spirituality. My lowest point of spirituality and life in general during high school was near the end of my sophomore year. I don't think pinpointed that time, but I guess it was a gradual realization. Since every low (school) year of my life conveys a super high one, junior year was one of my best years as well, I got baptized that year and I had rather constant quiet times. But for some reason, God granted me a relationship that led up to my low point in life rather than during when my focus on Him was the strongest. Or rather, part of me wanted to think that it was simple "reward" for F.5 grade. What I learned from that relationship was that to treasure who you have because once you lose them, it's hard to regain that same "something special" the second time around. From him, I saw a sliver of what grace really is, even though he was non-Christian. That sliver really opened my eyes to how much God loves me and continues to forgives me no matter how many times I back stab Him. Finally, I decided not to ever date a non-Christian (due to conflicting foundations and too many misunderstandings occurring on the deeper level), So........ raising my standards a little more. My third, if I may call him that, was during senior year. So after an awesome spiritual, chaste junior year, I met someone who I though was a strong Christian. But even though he was a strong "Christian" he wasn't a Godly man (...yet). The thing is, I never though of him that way the last four Or so years I have known him. Sure, we flirted a lot when he first came, and sometimes on and off throughout the years, but I wondered what made our feelings change towards each other. Or rather, why did God let us be together.......though, not really "together"? Was it again, a semi-reward for being good junior year? I also wonder if it was "meant to be" in the beginning, but was tainted by Satan as we went along. Was it just another test that I was put through, seeing if I could hold a God-honoring relationship? ...........to be continued

Relationship Compatibility~~2

5) Rebellions Relationship: The first sign of this kind of relationship is the need to date someone purely out of your "caste" Rebellious relationship daters choose a partner, who is exactly the opposite of everything their families would want for them. Most of the time, people engaged in this kind of relationship are merely angry with parents Or attempting to define them-selves as a way to establish a sense of independence. However, there are more constructive ways to deal with anger Or establish independence, understanding, forgiveness and maturity. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment by staying clear of any kind of rebellious relationship. Compatible relationships: A relationship, by definition, is the "connecting of people". Therefore, to have a successful relationship with the oppsite sex you must "connect on many levels". This is what is called "Compatible Relationships". Example below shows that in order to truly connect with another person, you must be compatible on three general levels "spiritual, physical", and "social". 1) The Spiritual Connection: If you "cannot connect" with your partner on a spiritual level, your relationship is "headed for disaster". What you believe about God, how you pray, which holidays you celebrate, which books you hold to be sacred, and your opinion on baptism are just a few components that make up you spiritual belief system. When you don't see eye to eye with your partner in these areas, then you are compromising something that is "deeply ingrained in you". Your spirituality and how that is expressed is the "most intense and intimate part of you". Tremendous heartache and frustrattion will occur, when two people are unable to connect and share this "most intimate part of their lives". 2) The Physical Connection: Being sexually attracted to your partner is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship. "Having a spiritual connection is not enough". You must have that "spark, that chemistry", that attraction that draws you to the person like a magnet. There must be "something" in the way that person looks, moves, laughs, speaks Or smiles; something that compels you to want to be with him Or her. All great relationships have "some element of chemistry, and you either have it Or you don't". 3) The Social Connection: Some people often neglect social compatibility, though this very area creates lots of stresses on relationships. Social compatibility primarily concerns family patterns and social relating. The old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", usually holds true. Who you are and many of "your life perspectives stem directly from your family upbringing". If you grew up in a home in which you received love, support, encouragement and security from your parents, then you probably have a good foundation for building a happy family. If you didn't grow up in such an environment, then you would have to work harder to develop a strong bond. Some of the important issues associated with family background are holiday customs, family rules, finances, domestic responsibilities, and rearing children. Do our child needs to wear a mask??? The other area of connecting at the social level deals with "patterns of relating". This dimension of a relationship covers a wide variety of concerns, including "social skills", "communication style", and "intellectual compatibility". What does it mean to be compatible??? Well, "similarities between people make life together much simpler". Being together involves "compromise", and people can reach these compromises "more easily" when they share "common values and interests". Sure, sometimes opposites can attract, but "for a stable relationship bet on similarity". "Are you my suitable candidate"???? Definitely, no vacancy for interviewer. Can't believe that one of my blogger pal is offering electric chairs instead of arm wrestling!!!! Sure glad I am not in my homeland!!!! Stay cool!!!!

Relationship Compatibility

So who is next on the list to go courting Or ever marriage?? (Extracted an article from a website and wish to share with my friends) Received a piece of good news that one of my sisters in Christ is trying a knot next year!!! So what do you think about being compatible in a relationship? Many people erroneously believe that "opposites attract", and seek a partner with interests oppsite to their own under the illusion that this is a good way to form an enduring bond. Partners, who get caught in this lie, often suffer painful consequences. While it is true that opposites do attract sometimes, this attraction usually doesn't hold up to the reality of everyday life and commitment. Incompatibility remains the strongest factor contributing to breakup. Psychologists have discovered that there are certain types of incompatible relationships that are doomed to fail from the start. We call these "Incompatible Relationships". Incompatible relationships: People should be warned of the dangers of dating someone with vast differences. The following is a summary of the 5 most common incompatible types of relationships. 1) The Missionary Relationship: In the missionary relationship one partner is "trying to convert" the other person to the faith. The common denominator of the missionary relationship is the need to justify the relationship on evangelistic grounds. For starters, how ludicrous to think that you can establish a healthy bond with someone on the basis of a hidden agenda!!! Unsurprisingly, after hanging on to these dead-end relationships, it's even more difficult to break it off in the end. The bottom line is that when there is spiritual Or religious incompatibility-get out, It's too difficult to judge the sincerity of one's spiritual quest, when the emotions of love and romance are involved. The sacrifice is usually unjustified. "Missionary relationships simply don't work". 2) Sacrificial Relationship: Some women tragically apply the mission of "falling for men who are emotionally" "sick and dying" for their love lives. Against all odds, they attempt to love, comfort, and take care of their lovers, hoping to nurture them back to emotional health. It reminds of a children's game-one is the nurse, and the other is the patient. If you have a tendency to hang on to needy people in order to "LOVE" them to health, then you need to sak yourself why. "Why do you have this unquenchable need to be needed?" You are called to be "an equal partner" in a relationship, not a shrink, surrogate parent, missionary, Or nurse. Sacrificial relationships may seem exciting and challenging at first, but they usually end in disillusionment. If this describes you, "you need remedial work-get a life!" 3) The Exotic Relationship: When two people from radically different cultural Or ethnic backgrounds get together ti's called an "Exotic relationship". At the beginning you might be intrigued by the accent, cultural differences, and mysterious demeanor of the other person. The relationship can be based on the allure of being with someone completely different in so many ways. Sure, exotic relationships are "exciting and adventurous", but they're "extremely impractical". Under the best of circumstances, dating and marriage are difficult and challenging. Before you invest time, energy, and money into an exotic relationship, consider the fact that the "odds of this kind of relationship actually making it one in a million. 4) "Unequally aged" Relationship: The hallmark of the unequally aged relationship is the considerable age gap between partners. If you find yourself saying, "Yes, sir" to your partner, then you may be in this particular type of relationships. If your partner is still telling you stories about the "good ild days" in the fifties, then this is your case. These types are usually trying to compensate for emotional insecurity, Or expecting their partner to fill in for Mom Or Dad. Regardless of the psychological reasons behind this trend, in most cases this substantial age difference is another example of incompatible relationships. Who Woody who? her hubby? Not the one behind her? He is cute! Unequally aged relationships provide a sense of emotional Or financial security they hit several snags of incompatibility. Energy levels can be drastically different. Cultural connevting points such as movies, historical events, music, and past trends will also be different. These things may seem trivial, but they are "extremely important" when you are seeking to build a long-lasting bond. ...........to be continued

Questions: I have a vested interest in your opinion!!!

This my comments: 1)What are you thoughts/feelings on relationships? They pretty much own. Do people have predestined soul mates? No. it's possible to connect with anyone on certain levels. you just normally attach to one person more than everyone else. Is a person supposed to have only one true relationship? Not necessarily. if you're still looking for "the one", as it were, it's hard to do that if you just cling to one person because you're so sure it's them. Do you feel that All relationships should be between One person and One other person (say One man and One woman as opposed to a man and 3 women Or a woman and 2 men)? For me, yes, personally, I don't think I could handle that sort of a relationship. but if someone else can, more power to them. Do you think Monogomy is 1 husband and 1 wife Polyamory is more true to human nature? (Monogamy is 1 husband and 1 wife Polymory is "Many Loves" Or multiple people in a single relationship together.) I think that everyone's different. for me, monogomy is more towards my nature again because I can't see myself sharing myself with more than one person on that particular level. How many true relationships have you been involved in? (were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) Only once did I date 2 people at once, and that only lasted about a week. it didn't work out. 2) What is your definition of Love? Love is when you connect with another person on a level so deep that. despite his Or her flaws, you don't ignore the flaws Or short comings, you accept them and love that person anyway. How do you know when you truely love someone? I know that I love the person, I'm with now because I'm more comfortable with him than with anyone else. when we fight, instead of fuming about it and being pissed off, we work thru it and move on and it makes us stronger. he's my best friend and I know that I love him. Do you limit your love? Not really, I love several people. I just love them in different ways. I love one of my good friends very much. but not the same way I love the one I'm with. Is it conditional Or can your Love be lumped into the "Agape" (forever-whole-wide-everything-Godlike) love? Agape. for certain. I don't stop loving just because someone is less than perfect. How does Loving someone change your relationship (friendship, whatever) with them? I try not to let it. Ken and I have stayed friends even the we've fallen in Love. How does Loving someone change your relationships (friendship, casual meetings) with other people? Other people sometimes get jealous of what I feel for Ken Or upset because they don't approve of him. I grow distant from them, usually, but that's usually them pulling away and not me. Can a person Love many people simontaniously? Yes, How many people do you figure you Love Or have Loved? I feel some type of love for everyone I meet. Ken I love in the way that I could possibly see myself with him forever. my friend Daryl I love in the way that I care a lot about him and I'm terrified out of my mind that he's going to China next year. Pri I love because she's my sister. I love a lot of people. What can I say? (were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) Seperate, for sure. ...........................That all.

Queations: I have a vested interest in your opinion!!!

Please answer in full, concice, complete thoughts Please (Please!) explain Why Or Why not. Be truthful. I just...... I really want to know how you ALL feel about this. Answer in your own blog (leave a comment saying you're answering, please) Or answer in the comments, if it will let you. If a question is too personal, just skip it and go to the next one. If you're unsure, just explain as best you can. Later, I may post my answers. So answer me this: 1) What are you thoughts/feelings on relationships? Do people have predestined soul mates? Is a person supposed to have only one true relationships? Do you feel that ALL relationships should be between One person and One other person (say One man and One woman as opposed to a man and 3 woman Or a woman and 2 men)? Do you think Monogomy Or Polyamory is more true to human nature? (Monogamy is 1 husband and 1 wife. Polyamory is "Many Loves" Or Multiple people in a single relationship together.) How many true relationships have you been involved in? (Were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) 2)What is your definition of Love? How do you know when you truely love someone? Do you limit your love? Is it conditional Or can your Love be lumped into the "Agape" (forever-whole-wide-everything-Godlike) Love? How does Loving someone change your relationship (friendship, whatever) with them? How does Loving someone change your relationships (friendship, casual meetings) with other people? Can a person Love many people simontaniously? How many people do you figure you Love Or have Loved? (were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) 3) What is your definition of being in Love? How do you know when you're In Love? How does Loving someone and being In Love with someone differ? How does it change your relationship with that person? How does being In Love with someone change your relationships (say friendships Or casual meetings) with other people? Can a person be In Love with many people simontaniously? Can a person (couple, grouping, whatever) be in Love forever? How many times do you feel you have been In Love? (were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) 4) Do you think relationships concerning Love and being In Love are affected by Sex? Can a Person love without sex? Can a person be In Love without sex? Do you feel that sex is vital part of any Love type (not friendly, heh) relationship? Do you feel that Sex helps Or hinders relationships? Should Sex be confined to Love type relationships? Does Sex weigh greatly on how you determine your relationships? Should a person have more than One sexual Love type relationship simontaniously? (You don't have to answer these if you don't want I know it's insanely personal........) How many sexual Love type relationships have you been involved in? (were they all seperate? were any happening at the same time? any layover time?) Have you been involved in a sexual relationship that wasn't Love based? 5) Do you feel that society has a direct influence on how you percieve and conduct your own personal relationship prefrences? Who Or what helped you to define and build your idea of relationships? (role models, TV, whatever) How accepting are you toward people who are involved in (Or have views concerning) relationships, Love and being In Love that are different than your own? Do you feel that your tolerance is influenced by society? If you felt you wouldn't be judged, would you change any of your views as stated above? Thanks, Everyone. If you've taken the time to fill this out, I really truely Thank you!!!! ......................To be continued

Declawing the Cattiness~~(Part 4)

The Godfather Factor: The women who apply this factor to their friendships are the kind you want to slap upside the head with a shoe. Just because, Okay, not only just because they are so incredibly tense that they would probably shatter into a million pieces upon impact with the sole. You've all known women like these-the ones that hate everyone. Everyone. Yes, everyone.......unless you have a penis of course. They don't trust anyone and they don't care how trustworthy and how good a person you are. They are going to treat you like the enemy because you don't have a penis. They think anyone without a penis is untrustworthy......but at the same time, this is the factor that is always a part of the persona of the woman with five million friends. She gathers them because she doesn't trust one of them and figures. She can fake superficial friendships to use all of them and shield her own back at the same time. This is the final factor that you take on before you are lost to ever having a meaningful friendship again. Nobody can break through the wall of a woman who employs the Godfather Principle (You know, the whole, "Hold your friends close, but your enemies closer" thing). She treats everyone with a cold, emotional detachment and it's really sad. She's expecting everyone to be holding a knife to her heart so she does the same to everyone else. When someone adopts his factor, their friendship is lost on you and they will never be a good friend. You've just got to back away slowly Or you'll get that knife through the heart. They are the type of friend that brings absolutely nothing to the friendship. They won't let you inside. You won't get to know them. They will never share their juicy secrets with you (which is exactly why these are the fun ones to tell faux dirt to) and they will talk about you behind your back every chance they get. They probably already have a best friend they will make you feel second best to and they will talk about their best friend mercilessly to you. The funny thing is that a woman employing the Godfather factor is the most insecure of them all and is so afraid that others are going to talk bad behind her back that she tries to befriend anyone whom she senses is more powerful than herself. She will walk all over the weakest if she feels they pose no threat to her and will completely lose it if someone weaker than her suddenly gains power over her. When you hear a female friend say this, run-don't walk-away from them. You'd rather share your bed with a severed horse's head than have to be friends with someone who openly tells you she only has friends because she doesn't want them labeled as "enemies". It tells you where she stands now doesn't it? She doesn't give a shit about you Or your friendship, she just doesn't trust you. You will give and give more of yourself to this friendship and never receive true friendship in return and this person will never confide in you like friend do. They are too paranoid and delusional. The I'll Learn On You But Don't Learn On Me Factor: I don't even need to explain this one thoroughly because everyone has had a friend who has possessed this negative trait. They are the friends who call you crying at 3 a.m, Stop by and drop their kids off at your house and say it's an emergency, call you bawling about their latest break-up, and then you have a serious issue in your life Or desperately need a favor and they refuse you Or brush you off. Usually, they are always crying about something and someone has always done them some sort of injustice. It's the friend that always dumps on you but never ever has time for you when you need them. I know I can't be totally alone in ending up making friends with complete psychos Or having a hard time keeping close friends because someone suddenly goes crazy and feels the need to compete with everything Or one-up me all the time. I have some really good friends......awesome people, in fact, but I've had some bad experiences recently, too. Some of them haven't even been My experiences but the experiences of other friends who have been dumped on by other people they thought were friends. So why are women so mean to each other? I've asked this question a long time ago in another blog far far away. I still don't get it. I have bent over backwards to do things for people that I really didn't want to do, but that I did out of friendship only to be bitten on the ass. That's happened several times in the last several months and I've really gotten tired of it. Actually I was really pretty hurt about the whole thing until I looked at the people whose friendship I was struggling to keep and decided that it really wasn't worth it. Seeing as how they treated their other friends. I also remembered the advice I would have given my sister, Yoko, who was in the exact same situation and realized what a damn hypocrite I was. It's doesn't matter if you're 13 Or 30......... it hurts to be the subject of gossip, to be excluded, to give more of yourself in a friendship than you receive, Or to give genuine, honest friendship only to be stabbed in the back Or unappreciated. No matter how hard you try, there are just some factors in female friendships (Or any friendship really) that just won't make things work. I highly believe that female friendships are very necessory for a fulfilled life so I will "never" write off all women as jerks. And woman who says, "I hate women" Or "All my friends are guys". Or "I just don't work well with women" isn't being fair to women. I'm not a jerk and I take offense when some woman says, "Oh, my God, I hate women".-- I think if someone hates all women, they just aren't meeting the right ones. I've found all kinds of books online about the psychology behind why women treat each other the way they do........ and I really want to order some of these books. I've heard it attributed to something as simple as being the Alpha Female and the biological need for a mate....... and I've heard future out there conclusions than that. So here's a question for you all: Why do you think some women so mean to each other? Please feel tree to elaborate. Do you have any solutions that work on dealing with cattiness either when you are the responsible party (the jealous one) Or when the cattiness is aimed at you? Are there any other negative factors you've come across in female friendships that almost make you throw in the towel with having female friends to begin with? I'm really serious about all this. It seems to be widely acknowledged that it's a problem....... and after some recent problems with really bizarre behavior, I'm really interested in how everyone else has dealt with being the odd person out and how they've resolved Or ended friendships with serious cattiness problems.

samsam

Declawing the Cattiness~~(Part 3)

The Juice-Potential Factor: You spill your juiciest secret to your best friend....... Or who you thought was your best friend....... and suddenly, it's all over town. When you get pissed off and confront your friend, she swears it "Just slipped out. Oops, Sorry". and damnit, you know she's not sorry and how the whole world knows that you once french-kissed a seventy-year-old when you were drunk at Mardi Gras. Everyone needs a confidante. They need someone they can bounce their wildest, craziest ideas off of and have their friend not think they are crazy nor be itching to call up other friends to say. "Omigod!! You would not believe what Heather just told me!!!" The fact is, a lot of good friendships end this way-because loose lips sunk ships....... Or confirmed your sick geriatrics-gone-wild moments. Before you open your mouth to tell a friend something...... Think. How juicy is what you are telling your friend? How well do you know this friend? Do you have dirt on this friend that is just as bad, if not worse? That might sound bad, but it's actually healthy if you have secrets about your friend, too. It's like everyone having nukes. You know if someone presses a button somewhere, then damnit, you might as well press yours. That is how best friendships are formed. You know someone else holds some pretty dark secrets about you..... and you hold some about them. There's a depth of trust formed in that action that would make you think twice before you ever wrote that friend off over something petty. It's the bonding, cementive glue of female friendships- and once you share one dark secret,,there's a whole slew of them you can share with that one friend because you now know the worst about each other and to destroy them would be to destroy yourself. If you seriously know someons who is a juice-jacking friend....... slip them some faux dirt and see how far it spreads. A dirty trick, yes..... but it's always interesting and some well-meaning soul will run back to you and say, "I though you should know that so-and-so said this about you........" What really fun is to get your significant other in on the act and spread rumors about your relationship. Those are favorite rumors for people to spread........ and as long as you and your significant other know the truth, who cares? Maybe that sounds extreme, but I hate petty gossip with a passion-especially when the gossipee is revealing things they were told in confidence. How in the HELL is that supposed to make you trust that person? I don't care what people say about people who have done really shitty things to them Or who are jerks in general. If you are a jackass, then you probably deserve the gossip..... but when people gossip about people they don't know Or about friends, it bugs the hell out of me. Talking about other people is a natural thing. What else is everyone going to talk about? Trees? Rocks? But for God's sake, it drives me crazy when one friend wants to approach me to bitch about something extremely petty about someone else I happen to like. And my good friend just told you that they have erectile dysfunction? Really? And did he happen to say anywhere in that sentence, "Please don't tell anyone this........?" He didn't? Well still-use some damn common sense-hello! Do you think he would really put up a billboard announcing this? Where's the fing courtesy?! Some people will stab anyone in the back when handed particularly juicy gossip.

Declawing the Cattiness~~(Part 2)

The Three-Is-a-Crowd/Ball & Chain Factor: You meet a new girl and she's really cool....... you can really imagine that you will be great friends..... and that's when you meet the ball and chain attached to her ankle that wears the self-entitled label of "SARAH'S BESTEST FRIEND 4-EVER ". Yes, it's the ball & chain bitch that clings to the ankle of another woman and vows to destroy any other woman that comes close to "stealing" her best friend. The woman affected won't ever kick off her ball and chain........ Let's face it...... it's flattering to have someone think that highly of you that they would runoff any other woman that tried to make friends with you....... and they will. You buy the girl a gift and the ball & chain will buy her a better one while putting down your gift. The ball & chain enjoys telling everyone about how long they have been friends and how "Sarah" knows that she's the best friend she'll ever have. It's quite nauseating and chances are, You'll find yourself being sickened more by the girl you originally wanted to be friends with rather than her toxic friend for not kicking off the ball & chain...... and setting her captive free. The ball & chain never has an original just to remain attached. What will sicken you most is the way "Sarah" will talk about her ball & chain when her clingy XOXO BESTEST FRIEND is not around. You'll start having sympathy for the ball & chain for her idol worship and insecurity more than anything. Don't expect to be invited to their tea parties........ it's a table for two and you're the odd person out in this scenerio. Sometimes, it seems sad and seems like everyone has met their best friend by the age of 12 and if you haven't met yours, then you are S.O.L I wish I knew what to say about how to remedy this....... but I don't ALL I know is that a girl with a psycho woman who still wears her "STEND" necklace while her counterpart hides her "BE FRI" necklace in a drawer is a duo you want nothing to do with. The Odd Woman-Out Factor: Say there is a group of five women...... and suddenly, for some reason, they just decide that someone must be excluded. This is really odd thing that I've noticed. The group of friends wait around for one friend to do something minor that will piss them off....then, they will all start gossiping about that girl and excluding her from their friendly get-togethers. Sometimes, it gets really vicious and they just decide to declare all -out war. It is the nature of the female beast, I suppose. I can remember playing games like this when I was a child. We used to play a game we literally called "War"- the whole purpose of war was to pick one girl out of our group of friends and just decide that we hated her. When she came out of her house, we'd all just stare at her, get together and whisper about her, and sometimes point at her and laugh. We would have sleepovers and exclude her, hang out together where she could see us but make sure she knew she was unwelcome Or invite each other over in front of her. It was mean. It was beyond mean, actually........ and I don't remember why we did it. Is this an instinctive girl thing? Sometimes, I was on the receiving end quite a lot. We were seven years old when we played this game. How does a seven year-old know to be so spiteful? And why does this carry on into adulthood with women? It goes without saying that male friendships probably have less incidences of these kinds of things. Women don't grow out of this game, though. For some reason, it reaffirms in their minds they are better than everyone else they exclude from their clique. Have you ever had a friend that you were becoming close enough with that you would almost consider her to be best friend material and then another girl would come along...... sometimes you would actually introduce the two girls...... and suddenly, they completely excluded you and started hanging out together all the time? This happens a lot. It's happened to me quite a few times. The funny thing is when these two girls have a disagreement, who do they run to when want to gossip about the other one? Exactly. Man Takes All Factor: It doesn't matter how long you and your friend have been buddies. It doesn't matter how many break-ups you've seen each other through Or what puddles you've thrown yourself-over to support your friend....... when a man comes along, holy shit. It's all over. I had a best girlfriend who would ditch me every time she had a new man in her life. Quite a few times, she and I found ourselves pining after the same guy, too.... and once, she threw me under the bus for him. She liked the guy and I didn't know it. She hadn't told me. The guy came on to me and asked me for my phone number. All of a sudden, I was unknowingly Public Enemy#1 and not only did she hate me, but she told everyone who would listen about what a man-stealing bitch I was. At first, I was wondering if I shouldn't just dump him because I cared about my friend more than I cared about the guy. I told another friend that I was thinking about dumping my new boy friend because my girl friend was so mad. She ran back and told my girl friend this. My girl friend got ahold of my boyfriends' number and called him and told him he'd better dump me first because I was about to dump him. She asked him out...... he said no, but he did break up with me for fear of my impending breakup. Later, she felt bad and confessed to him what she had done....... he asked me out again. I said, "Hello no, I'm tired of this!!!!" He was the first boyfriend I ever really had and I had been in shock that he'd even wanted me over my friend. My friend was prettier than I was, always got the guys, and I have no clue what this guy ever saw in me. I thought he was out of my league. Years went on and this guy was involved in several other love triangles involving me...., me always on the losing end. He'd gotten over me in favor of girls who actually had boobs at the age of sixteen. In the end, it doesn't matter how close your girlfriend is-- if it's choose you Or choose a man-- most women will choose the man. That's kind of an obvious one and I'm not saying it's the wrong choice....... but at the same time, it is NOT cool to totally ditch your girlfriends just because you have a new man in your life (Or even one that's been around a while!!!!)....... and if your new man doesn't want you to have girlfriends then he's not cool either. When it comes to a man, the Alpha Female instinct usually seems to take over no matter how many times we read that "Men come and go but friendship is forever!!!!!!" .............to be continued

Declawing the Cattiness

I was thinking about something today that happened a few years ago, I have a 18 year-old younger sister. A few years ago, when she was about twelve Or thirteen, I was back home. My younger sister came home crying and I heard her in the other room talking to my dad, Then he started yelling at her, "Then don't hang out with those girls anymore, Yoko! It's as simple as that!" I asked my mom what was going on and my mom sighed, "It's Yoko's so-called friends"...... "Uh oh...... what's going on?" "She was over at one of their houses and the girl decided to invite all Yoko's other friends to go to an amusement park and not invite Yoko". "Really? That girl did that? In front of her?! What a bitch!!!" "Yeah, my mom sighed, "And she's a glutton for punishment because this isn't the first time this has happened. It happens all the time. These girls have birthday parties, sleepovers, go to the mall together, etc. and they don't invite Yoko....... but they make it a big point to invite each other while she's around. I keep hoping one day she'll get smart and realize that those girls just aren't her true friends". "You're telling me", I really felt glad that I wasn't thirteen anymore and that I was done dealing with that kind of craziness...... but who was I kidding? The plain and simple fact is that woman are MEAN to each other. Woman can be downright horrible to each other, actually. I remember having a bad day at work once where I came home, picked up the phone, and called my then-boyfriend, "I'm having a horrible day!" I wailed "Let me guess......" he said and then he started talking in a mock-female whine, "There's this total bitch at work who is trying to destroy me professionally and who is making my life a living hell". Damn, How the hell did he know that? Was I that easy to read? Before I'd even had a chance to respond, he was already going on. "Hey, I'm sorry-- I wasn't making fun of you. I was making fun of women in general. It just seems that there is always some woman in the workplace Or somewhere in a woman's life that is trying to destroy them and make their life a living hell. What the hell is wrong with women, by the way? And what the hell happened to you today.....sorry to steal your thunder.....? "I wish I could say you're an asshole, but you really hit it right on the head," I moaned, "And when you find out what is wrong with women, let me know". He was right. I did have an evil bitch at work who let me do three days worth of work before she approached me and told me it wasn't what she wanted...... with a dirty smirk on her face..... and it was too damn obvious she was doing this purposefully. I've had many instances of shitty things done to me by female co-workers, friends, in-laws, etc. but I still refuse to just give in and say "I hate women!" because what gives me faith is that somewhere out there, there is another woman like me who doesn't hate another woman just because she's more attractive than she is, who doesn't get insanely jealous when their friends have lucky breaks, who doesn't want to steal her girlfriends' husbands, who doesn't stab her friends in the back the moment they turn around, who doesn't spill all her friends' juiciest secrets to the world, and who doesn't simply just hate all other women because they are female.... damn!!!! Is that too much to ask? Here's the thing, I am normal- I get jealous of friends sometimes....... briefly....... but the biggest key to not being catty and killing the green-eyed monster is to admit it to yourself that you are jealous. If you can admit it to yourself and ask yourself why........ it is usually pretty silly. You can then remind yourself that while so-and-so may have just gotten a new Mercedes convertible, that it's just not the path your own life is meant to take....... and someday, you are going to have something Or do something amazing that your friend may covet. That doesn't mean start competing against your friend in who can obtain the most flashy goods. It just means to simply let it go and be happy for your friend.... not superficially, but REALLY happy for your friend. Simply because when something good happens to you, you want that friend to be there to celebrate with you, not to be seething in bitter jealousy. You give what you want to receive. That's how I've always overcome jealousy though. I have friends that are way better-looking than me....... and I've accepted it and don't give them a hard time about it. In fact, I like befriending beautiful women because usually, they are the loneliest out there. Nobody wants to be best friends with the pretty girl. So, why don't I have many close friends? It probably sounds like I'd be a good friend on paper, but to tell you the truth...... I only have a few people that I seriously know I could trust with my life Or that I could trust to tell a huge secret to and never have them repeat it. I can't answer that question..... A lot of people have friends they call their BEST friend. I have a few people in mind for the role of my best friend (not limited to one role-- a person can have several best friends)....... but I always wonder if they would consider me their best friend? It would be awfully embarrassing to assume someone is your best friend only to have them consider you as a 2nd degree friendship. In any case, I know who my true friends are and I'm grateful for them. There are quite a few things I'm starting to realize about some female friendships, though, that drive me completely crazy. Just a few example of some fd up factors that screw up many female friendships- most of these I have experienced personally and some have been experiences of other girl friends: .......................to be continued

Do you think it's possible for two people to 'Stay Together Forever'?

Of course I believe that two people can 'Stay Together Forever'. I've been married for 10 years to the same man, and my parents, and their parents stayed together til death took them from us. It takes a lot of patience, understanding, giving, and most importantly prayer but it can be done. You have to be diversified, and I'm sure you've heard the old saying "variety is the spice of life", so you must break the monotony and find different things that each of you like to do. 'Jealousy' is a no! no! You've got to give your husband/wife their space. As far as sex goes, try different positions, let your husband/wife know what you like, and don't be afraid to try it "within reason of course". Find the places you both enjoy going to and and go. IF you have young children, find a babysitter to care for them for the few hours that you'd take for yourselves. Try not to go to bed angry at each other-settle it before you retire for the night because you may lose your loved one while you are sleeping, and you never got a chance to say "I'm sorry". Stroke each others ego by telling them how beautiful Or handsome they are, you'd be surprised at the results it brings. No marriage is perfect, but if you truly love each other and want to make it last.........work at it.

Relationship~~

"Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers"~~~ 'Mary Tyler Moore'. Relationships are the spice of life, but the spice of relationships is also bound to leave an unpleasant taste in your mouth once in awhile. Most everyone will experience a failed relationship before meeting the love of their life, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as they're able to learn from it rather than falling into the same patterns again and again. Find out if you're guilty of any of these common relationship problems. 1) Emotionally- Unhealthy individuals We've said it before and we'll say it again: To optimize the success of a happy and healthy relationship, each partner needs to be at their most complete as an individual. This means each person needs to be emotionally mature and available, have a strong sense of self and know what it is that each person wants from the other. An emotionally-unhealthy individual will look at a relationship as a way to solve their own problems Or as the thing in life that will make them feel complete. An emotionally-unhealthy individual may be too dependent because they''re too afraid to be alone and may settle for someone they know won't make a good partner. 2) Moving Too Fast~~ In a world where instant gratification dominates, relationships often fall because of this exact reason-too many couples are in a rush to "make it work" ignoring any waving red flags. You end up putting too much faith in a relationship because you want to be in one so bad and you believe a relationship will fix all of your loneliness Or feelings of being incomplete. Excitement about a new relationship is one thing, but forgetting that a relationship takes a lot of time to really grow is another. There is no specific "Stage" you should be in at a pre-determined time. It all depends on the couple. 3) Unrealistic Expectations~~ Romantic fantasies, unhealthy individuals and putting too much hope into an already struggling relationship all describe this general common relationship problem theme-having unrealistic expectations. Expecting that you can change any bad behaviors your partner has is unrealistic. Expecting your partner to feel the same way about everything is unrealistic. When your expectations don't come to fruition, you place blame on the other for something that you should probably blame yourself for. The only expectations you should have about a relationship is that you will be treated as well as you treat the other person and that you will gain friendship, love, respect and support from a healthy relationship. Expect to plan for the dynamics of a relationship changing over time due to human nature and external factors, but expect that love will survive if you work at it. 4) Money~~ Everyone has a different style of dealing with money. Some of you are frugal Franks while others are spendthrifts Susles. Money can be a huge root of contention in a relationship, especially in a marriage when the money is mutually shared. Different money styles aren't necessarily something that will hurt a relationship, but the lack of compromise Or deception with money can. Money also can represent a power struggle in a relationship and one of the partners may feel like their independence is being compromised. Before opening a joint bank account Or getting married, it is essential that any money differences, issues and fears are discussed, and a compromise and budget Or short-term and long-term goals are agreed upon. However, what is most essential is to respect what lines have been drawn, and not to use money as a way to exert control Or power over the other.

IF you could write a letter to your past self (say, 10 years ago), what would you tell yourself?

If I could write a letter to me like 10 years ago, I would tell myself that I do live a pretty good life. That I will meet my best friend in 3rd grade, and that we will make each other happy, sad, angry, calm, and many other annoying emotions, but shes a great friend, and will be throughout my school life. I would tell myself never to trust this girl who practically ruined my life and my rep. I would tell myself that my parents are still extremely happy, and not to worry when all my friends talk about their parents divorce. I would say to get over my fear of dark, because there's really nothing there. I would tell myself to be prepared for the world to be compleatly different, and the gas prices outragous. I would say not to be afraid to talk to people who arnt my friends. Cause they really are just like my friends. I would tell myself to quit being so shy because in 10 years whatever people can and will say, won't matter anymore. I would tell myself public speaking isn't so bad, really no one cares, and everyone has that fear. I would tell myself that if a friend ever got to depressed to tell someone. I would warn myself that one of my best friends will be very depressed. She will need me and the rest of our friends to get through that rough patch. I would also tell me to tell her it will get better. I would tell myself to be prepared for heartbreaks, and breaking people hearts. I would also tell myself that I meet a wonderful guy, who makes me extremly happy. Lastly I would tell myself not to worry about losing my friends senior year, that she wants to do this and I should just let her go. It's where shes happy.