You never think the last time is the last time.....{4}

You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is your wallet. You are not your khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Me? I'm scared of everything I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you. It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and it flows through me like rain and I can feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure, but don't worry. You will someday. In this life, there are nothing but possibilities. It's sad to fall asleep. It separates people. Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone. See, most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place they are capable of anything. Because we don't know when we'll die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless--tuesdays with morrie. If you think back and replay your year and it doesn't bring you tears out of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted........ You are what you choose to be. Everybody is the same color when you turn the lights out. Every day we choose who we are by how we define ourselves. Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental. Things change. They always do. it's one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort. I say let me never be complete. I say let me never be content. I say deliver me from Swedish-furniture. I say deliver me from clever art. I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say you have to give up. I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may. So now I know what I have to do. I have to keep breathing. And tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse. Bad times wake us up to the good times we weren't paying attention to.... When you love someone you say it--right then, out loud--otherwise the moment just passes you by. When you got nothing. You got nothing to lose. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. Deep down I'm just a little woman playing dress up, angry at my magic wand for not working. Sometimes we have to risk the dark to see the light. There was nothing good. There was no way to make it okay in my head. I didn't have any experience with this sort of thing. Everything wasn't, actually, going to be okay. In life, anything is possible. Nothing ever is what it may seem. Expect the unexpected. Obviously things hadn't been going well, but we still hoped. We were going to hope until someone told us we couldn't. And then we hoped anyway. Better days had to lie ahead. ..............TO BE CONTINUED