How does one become important..... {2}

16} I love sleep. My life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. 17} It's like feeling homesick all the time..... for a place that doesn't exist. 18} Just because I look like I'm doing bettter, doesn't mean I feel any better. I'm getting better at dealing with it, and better at hiding it. But I want you to know. It still hurts the same, or maybe worse I need you to know that I don't want people to make excuses for me because I have depression. But it would be nice for somebody to recognize how hard it is to function day to day, It's so hard to put into words. 19} Things are getting to me. just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way. 20} I don't want to be perfect, I just want to be okay. 21} When you're dreaming with a broken heart, The waking up is the hardest part. 22} Sometimes I just wanna break down, quit putting on this act, playing this role of someone who's always strong. and before long. It's too late. I've become cold and distant, my thoughts are inconsistent. So I suck it up and more forward. I'm beginning to think I help others with their problems to avoid my own. screaming inside in the purest tone. I quit this time. I'll walk alone. 23] You enter and close the door behind you. now show me the world as seem from the stars. If only the lights would dim a little; I'm weary of eyes upon my scars. 24} I'm face to face with a wishing well pocketful of change but my hopes aren't for sale. 25} We become attoched to what's familiar and sometimes, we hold on to things that are safe and predictable. even if they are bad for us. 26} I know I say I'm just fine. but I hope you wonder from time to time. 27} She doesn't look, she doesn't see. Opens up for nobody. Figures out, she figures out. Narrow line. she can't decide. Everything short of suicide. Never hurts, nearly works. 28} I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. 29} You know, people always ask are you okay? But they're never really expecting the truth. Because the reality of the matter is, if I was okay. you wouldn't really have to wonder. 30} Sometimes you just can't tell someone how you feel. Not just cause you don't trust them. & not cause you think they will call you a freak. but cause you can never really find the right words to make them understand & it makes you frustrated. People take things 100 different ways & that's why it's so hard. 31} I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the abscence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today. 32} A couple of hundred years ago. Ben shaved with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow. he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off. but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision. because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers. heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Ben really meant, That knowing is better than wondering. that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure. even the worst, beat the hell out of never frying. ......TO BE CONTINUED