How does one become important.... {4}

46} Smile. Let everyone know that today you're a lot stronger than you were yesterday. 47} Look at life through the windshield, and not the rear-view mirror. 48} I don't know how to speak for anyone but myself. You see darling, there's nothing I can say that will save you anyway. 49} "It's happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want. and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. and so you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on". 50} Cause it's not over till it's over. Every ending's a new beginning. One more chance to get it right. One more chance to get it wrong. It's not over till it's over. Sometime's nowhere leads to somewere. And it all starts again in the end. 51} "I wrap my arm around myself and look up at the stars. The sky is filled with them. There are more stars to see than the sky tonight. I think about how I used to look at a sky like this and it would make me feel small and insignificant. And tonighr, as I look at the stars. I realize that I am starting to know my place among them". 52} And there's that one moment, the one moment when you've figured out how much you've really let go. how much you've grown. It takes you back a step and makes you think. It's that moment when you can't look back. Yet you can't seem to look too far into the future. It's that moment when you realize you're living for yourself and no one else. 53} I'm reminiscing about good times and rewinding all these songs. It feels like just yesterday you were lying in my arms. Listen to my words, I'm just trying to be strong. But I have to face the truth and realize that you're gone. 54} I'm amazed that while there are people you can see everyday and not say a word to. there are other people whom you can see once a year, or once in life, and say anything. 55} In order to move on. You must know why you felt the way you did and why you no longer need to feel it. 56} You don't need anyone to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are. 57} "Love can come when you're already who you are. when you are filled with you. Not when you look to someone else to fill the empty space". 58} "I mean, both of us are trapped inside something. like mirror images of ourselves and each other. She's trapped inside her loss, inside everything that's missing from her life, trying to breathe in a vacuum. And me? The opposite--I'm trapped inside everything that's given to me. handed to me, placed on top of me, as I try to breath under a thick pile of expectation. Her future had been dismantled under her, and mine was constructed over me. And neither of us has a way of escaping. Unless maybe we do--I think the most hopeful moment of my life was when we were in the Chip and Dale costumes, holding hands while we danced in a circle, and I could hear her laughing a little bit inside there, could barely see her through the mesh, and I laughed just because she was, just because we were dumb and she didn't know the routine and we were just winging it, winging the whole thing. and I kept thinking. We're in here.....hidden. If only your life were a costume, and you could just take it off when you wanted to, leave it hanging on a hook, and walk away". 59} "It's funny, really, all the ways we tell ourselves every day that things are going to be okay. That things are going to get better, or that things can't possibly get any worse. We all have these elaborate mechanisms to take care of our disappointments, our sadness, our pain. We build these walls around ourselves, placing bricks between us and everyone else, telling ourselves that we're just protecting ourselves, just staying safe. Sometimes the bricks are easy to see, hard things that you bump up against when you try to touch someone. Sometimes they're subtle. A slight turn of the head. a fast good bye. a faraway look in the eyes. Sometimes I wonder why Disney never took to Rapunzel, why they never tried to take that story and put it on lunch boxes and in video stores and on pink sweatshirts Maybe it's that some fairy tales don't need to be computer animated. Maybe Randy Newman doesn't need to sing their songs. Maybe some fairy tales don't even really need to be hold. because they live inside of us, scaring us with their witches and their evil spells, making us wonder if maybe this time the prince won't come in time, the princess won't wake up. and maybe for once there won't be any happily ever after. Maybe some fairy tales are just too scary to even think about". 60} I've been living in slow motion for two days shy of four months. and my critics are the best friends I swear I knew once and in the end I guess I really never was enough. ........TO BE CONTINUED