"Happy?"

I've realized that I can love and care all I want to,but what matters is to be loved in return.There are so many people that I care about and I get the feeling they could care less,I haven't felt that wonderful feeling is a long time now.and life sucks without it.What are friends?I have a feeling that all my friends are just acquaintances.people that will talk if they see me out somewhere but,wouldn't go out of their way to return a phone call.I've tried so hard to build relationships.with my friends.or other people for what it matters.It's all the same.the desire to build a friendship with me is just not there.what is it?What did I do that make people avoid me.Everyday I go on like everything is fine and put that smile on my face that I keep in a jar by the door.Is my depression so vast that it wards people off.I do not understand.If only people knew how I feel.the worst feeling in the world is loneliness,and I can stay that I have never felt more alone.