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"Roles in the Family"~~
We only have to look at our 'Family' of origin to see what models we were shown regarding how household duties were divided: who did the disciplining, who did the emotional 'work', and how conflict was resolved. Mostly, couples report that they truly believed that their partner would 'think like I do' and 'parents the same way as me'-without ever discussing the issues. These are common expectations, but unfortunately on two people think alike Or have exactly the same values, We assume, wrongly, that because we love our partner, everything will automatically and magically fall into place once the children are born. A couple can end up frustrated, lonely and even depressed if they feel misunderstood in the relationship. Each partner will believe that the way that they want to do things is 'normal', that this is they way families are supposed to work. The key is to accept that your expectations may be completely different from you partner's and work on understanding the reasons why, So that you can develop a plan that Suits both of you. The good news: Once these issues have been brought out into the open, and if both partners have enough courage, unresolved issues and misunderstandings can be worked through and resolved. Some useful suggestions include: Think about what your expectations are of your partner regarding parenting; write them down and ask your partner to do the same. If possible, discuss your different expectations and see if you can work out ways to compromise. Take time to consider which roles you saw your mother perform in your family of origin. Which were your father's roles? Think in terms of such things as the sharing of housework, money, emotional 'work' and disciplining of children. Did you consider these roles 'normal'? Did your partner's family of origin have a different separation of duties than your own? Try and consider how your experiences have influenced what you expect of your partner now. Remember, just because you think differently, It doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong. Consider where you get your emotional support from as an adult. Who does your partner talk to about their difficulties? Can you talk to each other about your concerns, worries and relationship issues? How much time do you spend enjoying your partner's company without any interruptions? How long has it been since you had quiet time together to enjoy being a couple? If possible, try and organise a special time just to be together to discuss your relationship and how you would like it to be. Lastly, if you and your partner feel 'stuck in unresolved issues, seek professional advice. Healthy families a ffirm each other's value and uniqueness. Have you ever noticed how 'God' delights in placing polar opposities in the same family? In healthy families, there are no black sheep. Our goal isn't to crank out two Or three kids who fit some predetermined mold--but to discover, develop, and affirm each family member's uniqueness, One day, your children should be able to look back and say, "My family was the one place where I felt I could be myself--and be loved for it". Healthy families take time to communicate--and really listen to each other, When I was in youth ministry twenty years ago, one of my main challenges wasn't ending our meetings by nine o'clock-- it was getting the kids out of the church building by midnight. They wanted to stay and talk for hours with the leaders. Sometimes, as it was getting late, I would say to a kid who was pouring out his life to me, "I'm willing to pray for you-- but don't you think you should talk to your parents about this?" Practically every response was the same: "Dad travels, and my Mom works. There's never time". "When I talk to them about his stuff, they just get mad and close down". I try, but they don't really listen". I vowed that when I had children, I'd never become careless with something as important to family health as open communication. So, how do you think I felt just a few years ago when 'Shauna' wanted to talk to me about something? I was about to rush oft somewhere, so I said, "Okay. Let's talk. But just hit the high spots--I'll listen fast". 'Shauna' paused and said, "No thanks, Dad. I'll wait till you can listen slow".
We only have to look at our 'Family' of origin to see what models we were shown regarding how household duties were divided: who did the disciplining, who did the emotional 'work', and how conflict was resolved. Mostly, couples report that they truly believed that their partner would 'think like I do' and 'parents the same way as me'-without ever discussing the issues. These are common expectations, but unfortunately on two people think alike Or have exactly the same values, We assume, wrongly, that because we love our partner, everything will automatically and magically fall into place once the children are born. A couple can end up frustrated, lonely and even depressed if they feel misunderstood in the relationship. Each partner will believe that the way that they want to do things is 'normal', that this is they way families are supposed to work. The key is to accept that your expectations may be completely different from you partner's and work on understanding the reasons why, So that you can develop a plan that Suits both of you. The good news: Once these issues have been brought out into the open, and if both partners have enough courage, unresolved issues and misunderstandings can be worked through and resolved. Some useful suggestions include: Think about what your expectations are of your partner regarding parenting; write them down and ask your partner to do the same. If possible, discuss your different expectations and see if you can work out ways to compromise. Take time to consider which roles you saw your mother perform in your family of origin. Which were your father's roles? Think in terms of such things as the sharing of housework, money, emotional 'work' and disciplining of children. Did you consider these roles 'normal'? Did your partner's family of origin have a different separation of duties than your own? Try and consider how your experiences have influenced what you expect of your partner now. Remember, just because you think differently, It doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong. Consider where you get your emotional support from as an adult. Who does your partner talk to about their difficulties? Can you talk to each other about your concerns, worries and relationship issues? How much time do you spend enjoying your partner's company without any interruptions? How long has it been since you had quiet time together to enjoy being a couple? If possible, try and organise a special time just to be together to discuss your relationship and how you would like it to be. Lastly, if you and your partner feel 'stuck in unresolved issues, seek professional advice. Healthy families a ffirm each other's value and uniqueness. Have you ever noticed how 'God' delights in placing polar opposities in the same family? In healthy families, there are no black sheep. Our goal isn't to crank out two Or three kids who fit some predetermined mold--but to discover, develop, and affirm each family member's uniqueness, One day, your children should be able to look back and say, "My family was the one place where I felt I could be myself--and be loved for it". Healthy families take time to communicate--and really listen to each other, When I was in youth ministry twenty years ago, one of my main challenges wasn't ending our meetings by nine o'clock-- it was getting the kids out of the church building by midnight. They wanted to stay and talk for hours with the leaders. Sometimes, as it was getting late, I would say to a kid who was pouring out his life to me, "I'm willing to pray for you-- but don't you think you should talk to your parents about this?" Practically every response was the same: "Dad travels, and my Mom works. There's never time". "When I talk to them about his stuff, they just get mad and close down". I try, but they don't really listen". I vowed that when I had children, I'd never become careless with something as important to family health as open communication. So, how do you think I felt just a few years ago when 'Shauna' wanted to talk to me about something? I was about to rush oft somewhere, so I said, "Okay. Let's talk. But just hit the high spots--I'll listen fast". 'Shauna' paused and said, "No thanks, Dad. I'll wait till you can listen slow".
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