You don't know what LOVE is... You just do as you're told...?! ~~1

As far back as I can remember, I have a few times really been bad with relationships. I always treated them like glass and handled them with too much care and worry. When I do handle things like that, I am not spontaneous Or outgoing really. It's a bummer. I love surprising people, being wild, going on adventures, and being unsensitive sometimes because I am sensitive all the time. And when I am in a relationship. I feel like I can't do those things at all. I think perhaps it's the shy part of me Or something, Or I don't like the drama of being judged. None of my relationships have started off with myself and a man getting to know each other and being friends before hand. It usually starts with a night of hooking up and then BAM!! I am all of a sudden in a relationship Or in a fling. My first relationship I actually wanted to try and make it work, but all the others, I didn't want to be in. I feel like I can't say no the next morning when they say that they would like to see me again and blah blah blah. I hate hurting peoples feelings. But perhaps they feel guilty for fucxxxx and ditching Or something so decide to do that. I hope it wasn't feeling guilty on both parts to be together but actually not feeling like being together at all. But anyway, I figured that I can't do that anymore. I can't just hook up with someone and have a relationship Or fling the next day. It's confusing and I really don't know what I am getting myself into. That's a reason why before my relationships end so quickly. I then find out a bunch of things that I don't like about them and I end up holding it against them and not trusting them. I already have trust issues in the first place, but it gets extreme when I get to know them. One thing they all had in common is the fact that they were all sluts. Used girls, slept with them, discarded them, hooked up too much, cheated, speed dated, etc. Then when they got involved with me, they wanted to change. That's another thing, they all wanted to change their bad habits to be with me and impress me. Of course I give them a chance. I am really understand able and believes that everyone deserves a chance at anything. But that's not to say I am naive either. I know it takes time and mad effort to fix bad habits. For them, they snapped. I never got cheated on Or anything, I just get distant and eventually they break up with me for it. Hahaha, I know deep down they don't like being held down to one person, afterall before hand they weren't tied down at all. It was something new to them that they tried out and didn't appreciate. As for me, I didn't care all that much and I didn't like the situations that I put myself in. It was like two wild childs trying to be held down and famed for one another. I wanted to move around and be everywhere; they wanted to move around and be everywhere ontop of girls. So I mean, things just didn't work. .................................to be continued