You don't know what LOVE is.... You just do as you're told?! ~(P.2)

Compared to most people, it's rare that I hook up Or date. I have only had 2 relationships and two flings. Between that, the most affection I ever give guys is maybe a hug, and that's it. I am a little prude in reality and shy. But when I am with someone, I love being affectionate in everyway possible and showing the guy I care. I love making people laugh and smile. I am pro at it. I just Love making people happy. And when I am in a relationship, I try to make that guy feel happy all the time, and as much as possible. I get so happy making them happy. So it's a win/win. haha. But that is if I really like the guy though. Guy's will know how much I like them by how much I make them laugh. Plus I will know how much they will like me by making me smile and blush. I guess you could say that I liked KK a lot. I made him laugh and smile lots back in the day. Infact, the first email he sent me was a picture of him smiling that said, "You Make Me Smile". I actually remember how much I blushed when I saw and read that. My cheeks were RED and I was speechless. He was the very first guy that I really got to know and made time for. We talked online everyday, wrote poems to each other, made pictures for one another, e-mail each other lots, and confided in each other. We grew to like each other lots as we grew to be best friends. That part made it really tricky but good because we were always willing to talk about things and moved thw feelings to the side. See, if that were a real life thing. then it would have been the perfect relationship. To me, friendship is so important. More important than a relationship. I know that in order to have a healthy strong relationship with someone, you need to be really good understanding friends as well, You just can't be in a relationship if there isn't a great friends factor in it, in my eyes. All the things that people in relationship aren't able to do Or are afraid to do is for the fact that they are only Lovers and not friends as well. It's a really fuxxxd up thing. But anyways, the thing that didn't work too well with KK and I was the fact that we have never met, we lived far away from each other. and we both have fear of things regarding commitment and relationships in general. Those are some heavy duty things. It made me really frustrated all the time because I wanted nothing more than just to meet him and see what he is like. I wanted to know what a hug from him felt like, what his laugh sounds like, how he would look at me, I just wanted to know it all.