You don't know what LOVE is.. You just do as you're told?!~(P.3)

Most of the time, I really did want to be with him and give a relationship a try. I am pretty wild at heart and would have gone out of my way to make it happen. But he stood up to me all the time and said it wasn't realistic and it just doesn't work. I like it that he can stand up to me and for the fact that in the end, he doesn't know what's best, since it is pretty obvious. But sometimes my feelings make me so blind that I can't see the obvious. So I get stubborn and everything. I feel like a helpless romantic child when it comes to KK. It's a way I have never felt before. Sometimes I feel really stupid about it and then sometimes I am all, "So what? I will fuxxxng walk to you right now if I have to". Blahhh. I feel like we have liked each other too long to not do anything about it. But to him, nothing really can be done. To me, well..... meh... the fight in me for this is dyeing like it should, now we have to be only friends. It's already hard enough for me to just be friends with him. It sort of is like being friends with an ex so to speak. I am trying to make it work though and to do my best. I am already trying to be friends with one of my past ex's. Haha. It's....... interesting. He has been hanging out with one of my best friends (pretty much my little sister) a lot lately and is treating her like he once treated me..... Odd? Yes, I don't really want to think Or talk much more about that. But being friends with guys I used to date Or whatever is...... work and stressful. haha.... The whole situation with Ruby........eeek. After awhile I felt horrible for getting angry, because it's not like she knew anything nor were KK and I together. But I mean, the feelings were still there on both our parts. It was really wrong of him to progress with feelings for another girl while he still had feelings for me and didn't talk to me before hand about wanting to end our "feelings". But in the end, I knew the only reason why he wanted to end our feelings was for another girl. That hurt a lot. Of course there were the other reasons like not wanting to hold back and blah blah. But liking another girl is what puched him to stand up to me for the last time and put his foot down. I hated it. I still hate it. He then talked to his mother and he came to the conclusion that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I knew that if he was, it wouldn't be with me. To him, I am all about make believes and what ifs. I am not about those things at all and never really have been. I am interested in real things. You might say that I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one (thank you, John Lennon). I may dream, but I know what's real and what's not and what's practical. How things ever came to be like this, is because it's the internet and since it's just that, make believes and what ifs are all we can ever have with each other. Since we have never met, that's all it can be and that's all he's allowing it to be. I know that, that is not the only reason why him and I aren't together Or whatever he really does have relationship and commitment issues. And sure, the distance is a bitch. ..........to be continued